The Deranged Thoughts Of A Girl

If I ask you about your dreams, don't reveal them to me. I might steal it. Not the whole of it, but tiny parts of it. Parts you thought didn't mean much but was the very being of it. But if you ever let your guard down and ignore my warning, I would listen to you with an open heart. I would smile and laugh, sympathize and try to empathize, and maybe fall in love with your dreams. As much as I love big dreams, I have a soft spot for the small tiny ones. The tiny intimidate ones. And when I see you again, I would thank you for giving me a wonderful time. But you would never know why. I stole it from you but you would never realise it. The perfect crime. Someone once told me never write about people. People you love. People you hate. People you meet. People who just exist. It is too cruel of an act to suppress them within a bundle of words. Let the words free, let it emerge in the form of sound, let it hit the air, let it just be there. But I was scared. Words were my solace.

You didn't have to take me there but you did, Only because you wanted me to go through Everything you have experienced and lived. A selfish act of kindness. You knew it would break me so bad, Yet you smiled and held my hand. I could sense in your eyes a slight nervousness, Will you be able to save me after that fall? How could I pretend not to know ? I smiled, And somehow the grip of your hand on mine strengthened, Oh darling, please let me try, let me weep, Let me break my heart of mine once more. And when we reached, you set me free but I was hesitant, 'Go. I will stay.', you promised. I ran and I ran. When I came back, I could hear your eyes screaming sorry. 'Promise me a smile and the sea.' I pleaded. And you took me there without speaking a word, With every wave that rose, I cried. With every wave that fell, I cried. And with every breath of mine, I let the sea take the pieces of my past.

I try to find you in my eyes, What if they have lost their way And can't let go of my heart. I pray that with every tear I cry, I lose a memory of you. As beautiful as they were, They don't belong here anymore. I try to find you in every sleep I force, What if you had looked me in the eye When you said those words, Maybe they wouldn't have had a place to land, But they do, and it keeps wandering Bidding farewell to all others it meets on its way. And like a kite stuck on a tree, it prays to be freed by mere conscience. A lover's quest to prepare for another battle, With tales of pain and scars, And a slowly dying heart.

When the album named ''Too late" released, like any other fan, I too was excited to hear it. After all, there was something about the music he played. It was special because it just felt like home. And that was enough in a way.  When I played the new album for the first time, it all came rushing back. And before I knew it, I was crying. The story we, the audience, were a part of had ended. The story we witnessed and was excited for a few days had ended. The story we were curious about had finally ended. And it broke my heart. The curiosity that was burning in our minds after we left the concert only lasted a few days as there was no further news about it. And 6 months later, when the album released, the flame was rekindled but only to be stomped upon by the song's last line ' But by then, it was a little too late.' I had planned this for months. In fact, I was saving up for it. To sit in the front row to see him up close, to hear his fingers playing with

The words still echo in my ear. A constant reminder of my freedom. A smile that I can't seem to hide. But there was something about my eyes. I failed to recognise the usual excitement it displays. They were sad and drowning, calling for help muted. I pushed them off as my illusion, a certain imagination as to what usually happens. It was quite common, I made myself believe. And I did,but little did I know that I would fall so hard. He prayed with me,he cried. She blessed me,but broke down before completing her sentence. I didn't cry. I didn't feel anything. I was worried as to why I wasn't reacting at all. My mom and Dad were strong or should I say they were more stressed out about other factors. I felt terrified as to why I was so emotionless when most of the time I am just a human rollercoaster of emotions. I focused on many other things. No, I tried to focus. Even the skies couldn't help me this time. I was lost. I begged my inner self to just cry once,to

We stand among the lies we have build up. We look at each other. I can feel my eyes tearing up,my vision blurred. The grave of all the beautiful promises and happiness we once shared has no marks on it, no signs of past. It still appears new, like the mending scars on my heart. Only it has been way too long. You place a flower on it, stressing on the mere fact that a resurrection isn't possible. My heart breaks a little. You walk past me. The familiar smell of home, your ignorant smile, everything about you walking away tears me apart. I wanted to call out to you. But I don't. Today will be different, I hope. The yellow flowers are dancing to the wind. I lay my head down on the ground and glance at the sky. I smile. I wonder how it is capable of telling so many stories a single day when no one remembers it the next. I love how selfless you are, how beautiful you are. I finally close my eyes ,listening to the melodies I didn't give importance to before. I hear footstep

She wakes up at 4 in the morning with a trembling heart. Somewhere around her, she feels sadness. It has a lurking sensation. It is planning a pouncing attack on her. And then it hits her. She pulls up her blankets and cries into her pillow until she feels physically weak. Then she relaxes, so tired, so drained. She often wonders why does she feel so much when they felt nothing. Did they care? Did they love? Her revenge genes are damaged. Maybe that is why her heart breaks every godamn time. When the sun comes up, she gathers all her energy. She refuses to end this day without a laugh, a happy note. She engages herself in nothing and everything. And that is exactly how she feels at the end of the day : nothing and everything . I asked her to talk to me. Talk to her about something that brings euphoria, she will make it more beautiful for you. Ask her about her insecurities, she'll talk. If she explains it to you in a funny tone, she will probably cry herself to sleep tonight

When did it all start? I don't even remember correctly. It all seems so tangled. Like I am walking through a fog but I have a vivid image of what's lying in front of me. It doesn't make sense at all. But.. let's move on to what this is about. Falling in love. Wow, it brings back so many memories. I remember a very young me falling in love with someone who was in love with my best friend. The moment I realised it,I placed a stop sign in front of my heart. I always try to not complicate things but it has a weird way of catching up with me. I was a very insecure child. And I let myself believe that it will always stay that way. In fact, I was just a bundle of insecurities. A bundle of 'I am fine with everything'. Then after 4 years, I met a boy to whom I was strongly attracted to. It made everything much easier. Going to school, the breaks, going back home. I have never felt so busy in my life. I was constantly in search of finding him anywhere. A simple glimp

I am a selfish poet. The whole selfless idea leaves me confused. Sure,it does have a romantic and philosophical touch to it. Some people say when they read a poem and make it theirs,they feel connected. Like they belong. I can't deny it. When I read a poem, I start searching for myself in it. "Lost they are,happy they are too." What is the first thought that came to your mind? A group of people who are lost but they are happy too. Then we start building around those words. Lost doesn't always seem bad and happiness is all that matters and what not. "The paper boats are on a voyage, Lost they are, happy they are too." Now you are confused. But you still try. A child that is playing with paper boats. Yes, almost there. You gather your own meaning. Damn! That was good. My thoughts on writing these two lines? I wrote the second line first because it suddenly came to me when I touched the keyboard. Should make it more interesting? Maybe a touch of

I have given less thought to this post but it stays true without a change in its shade. I personally admire people who smile a lot. Smiling sounds so simple. But it isn't. Have you ever tried to force a smile? The feeling is horrible. Every muscle in your face becomes so rigid,it's almost like you did a workout. ( Okay,lame jokes aside.) Sad smiles are even worse. But being positive, it's still a smile. So moving on to what this post is really about. I met someone who lives in a house I pass by everyday when I go home. The road,in front of her house, is full of potholes and cracks and being a really aloof walker, I can't reach the other end without bleeding if I don't look down and walk. It has been 2 years. Our friendship is going strong. We never talk. We don't know each other's name or what we do or what we plan on doing. It's good. The only thing we share is a smile. At first, it started off as a 'hello!new person' smile. But then it b

Today as I stand here I am scared of myself. Scared of who I have turned to be. I feel like crying because I feel like I have changed. Not my appearance, not my ideals, not my dreams, but simply the way I think. Everything has been covered by a black veil to be protected from dust,rain, anything but it's useless. It should have been destroyed a long time back. But I didn't. A life full of regrets. It was pouring heavily. And I just let myself get drenched. I can feel myself standing on the middle of the road, drenched, shivering but smiling. A smile I am all too ready to withdraw immediately. I was alone. In this big happy world ,I was alone. In my big family, I was alone. I didn't feel heard. I was dying inside. Everyday I walk to that tiny corner of my heart that is covered in dust. I try to clean only to end up coughing. I can see the black veil here and there. But everything's hidden even though they are scarcely covered. Everyday I try to sit and confess. Ever

I was out with my mom for a walk. We believed we were ready to lose weight before this majestic function and give up on our favourite foods. Oh,who were we kidding? On the way, I saw a child bugging her grandmother to get her the beautiful flower but the moment she got it she saw me and rushed to me with it. She offered me the flower but I was hesitant to take it because she really wanted it. She kept on insisting so I finally took it and resumed our walk. Despite all the things that happened,my mom was surprised at the flower as she was busy sharing a 5 minute talk of her life with the neighbour. I explained that the child gave me her flower and was sincerely so happy about it. For me, I was really selfish at that age and it always melted my heart to see children who are so kind. They were so pure. Throughout the walk,I had the usual tendencies of peeling of the stem, plucking out the petals and just throwing the unseen loveliness into the abandoned sidewalk. But the moment I t

 'So here I stand having second thoughts about it again. But I have promised myself that this time around that I will not crawl back to that tiny vestige of my mind and will let it all out. To stop just letting it all get lost in my drafts'                                                                 -Sarah Sarah seems very quiet and calm outside but it's not difficult for someone to notice that she is fighting a lot of thoughts inside. She worries about the most strangest of things. She likes talking to kids but she sometimes feel so bored that she'll feel guilty about it. She worries whether she is helping the kids intellectually. Nodding,smiling, listening,giggling, is that enough? She asks. Yes, I reply. But she has already got on another train full of thoughts. She often gets lost in her own world,her own idea but she never loses her balance. Call her name once and she'll be right back where you want her to be. Maybe she should not. Maybe she shoul

There are thousands of eyes, That talk about their tales, Their pains,their sorrows and The mysterious elation of mind. But none have I come across, Those large brown eyes that Spill out loneliness and affection, The usual craving for company Swept away by fierce solitude. He stared and stared without Revealing a tiny spectrum of emotion, His brushes, a huge contrast to The paucity of his beautiful eyes. Splashes of blue,red,orange, And I doubt myself deeply, For the deserveness to his palette, His hands in graceful motion, Making love with the slight breeze. The eternal glances of nature, I turn to,to find solace from The unwavering eyes of society, Has no meaning in embracing The peace I receive from two brown oceans. I stumbled back to reality, With the clattering of brushes, His hands dirty and mind devoid Of activity and the presence of a smile on his lips. He grabs his precious belongings, And prepares to leave, inviting Me to take a look at h

When you walk through your destiny barefoot, They will make love with the purity of the soil, And as a new life emerges out as beautiful as you, The beholders can dream as their wings prepare for flight, And when you take a step forward , Your feets cleansed with the strange affinity for survival, The nature does nothing but smile, And the wings that came to life will call out your name, And the smiles you brought on will light up with your caresses, And the fire that you ignited will burn gloriously, For the dreams you sow are the existence of life, As for your wandering soul, there is nothing more fierce. P.S. There is nothing more beautiful in this world than nature ❤️ Always had an affair with nature. P.S.S. This is one of my personal favourite. What the hell am I talking? I am praising myself? Wow, good going Lynn! 

Somewhere along that lonely road, I had a feeling that left me stupefied. A familiarity in all those slow steps I took, A shocking deja vu to your warmth. An undistinguishable euphoria had hit me, I turned back with a spectrum of hope, Only to be slapped back to reality. It wasn't the beautiful world of Calmness and happiness that I  Craved all night and day nor The easiness of a fathomable life. I found my solace in the uneven roads, That we walked together sharing tales. I fell in love with the muddy grounds, That ignites our faces with love. Today as I walk through these roads, Nothing feels the same unlike those moments that are scored in our hearts. It still felt like a warm home embracing The times of our lives but I wasn't invited anymore. P.S. I find abandoned places very aesthetic. P.S.S. For someone who is single, I write too many romance poems.

Something that has always troubled me and will continue to is depression. No matter how much I try to write about something happy and beautiful, the idea of  sadness always isn't far away. Maybe that's the realist in me talking. I hate her but still she's a part of me. So enough talk.  Here's a poem I wrote. I hope you take your time reading it. *CAUGHT* She ran out like she was on fire, Her tangled hair fighting the wind, Her clothes bravely covering her emotional nudity, Her eyes,still beautiful,had lost its sparkle, Her heart that had a death wish to fulfill. Caught between a step,she weeps painfully, A step forward to the peace she discuss, A step back to gather the strength to fight, She fights away her tears,for the step forward, Was the only way for this ordeal to end. She looks straight ahead,her eyes now lifeless, Her body remains numb as her heart beats fast, Her face looks pale and her mind deranged, She has her own rules now, a true war

Halfway through the journey I turned back, The uncertainity of my choices clouding my vision, "Will I do alright?", the question echoes and the answers are too vague. I promise myself I will bear it all the way through, But both my conscience and my heart knows I am terribly weak. I stumble around losing balance, I rise only to fall again, I look around and only see envy, "No!", I cry as I realise I will always stay in my shell of dreams. As my hands caress the surface of my lonely abode, And as my eyes envision the future I dread, I brush past a few cracks of light,a smile spreads as I break it open. For all I had to do was continue the journey, The journey of finding my voice.

This post is going to contain all the dreams and wishes I want to fulfil. So, I hope you got my reference to the genie ( I am so weird..:P). Okay, now lets start because its a looooong list.. 1. I want to take my mom to Delhi to see Taj Mahal . (With my own money...) 2. I want to celebrate Holi and Halloween. 3. I want to perform in a flash mob. 4. I want to ride in rhe rain. ( I love my sister for fulfilling my dream or unexpectedly fulfilling when we went for a ride in her scooter, even though the rain was unexpected.And we almost killed ourselves by becoming blinded by the rain.) 5. My lifelong dream is to visit Paris by my hard-earned money. 6. To dance and dance and dance all the time. ........................................ This was something that had remained in my draft for so long. I don't even remember when I wrote this but I am pretty sure I had  goofy smile on my face.  It actually tears me apart to know I don't even have these many dreams now ( althoug