The Deranged Thoughts Of A Girl

I promised myself that I wouldn't write about you, again. Waking up few days after it was over, I couldn't wrap my head around the fact that I couldn't try to reach you. Not that I couldn't, but I shouldn't. I didn't know how to tell my mother how the one boy who I was so adamant about broke my heart. I didn't know how to tell my brother that he should take me to the beach quite often for the days to come. Because I never thought you would be a synonym of the sea, coming in big waves and leaving slowly, full of desire and grief. And I wanted to be around anything that didn't remind me of you. I couldn't listen to music for days, without crying. Somehow, they were all about you. I remember leaving the room when I heard 'All I want' playing. It just had too many memories, that I didn't want to waste away with my tears. The constant confirmation that maybe we weren't meant to be, or the miracle of him was frightening. I was just g

When you didn't deny the touch of my bruised hands, that was when I knew I'd always be there for you.  We needed each other desperately, to get through the clouds of sadness that night had to offer. I still remember lying down next to you, making sure that I didn't hug you. It had everything to do with my phobia of people leaving and nothing to do with the trembling of my body as I took painful, shuddering breaths. "I am sorry.", he said. She looked angry and I was breaking down. And as he was descending down the steps, I held onto her hands, she forcefully brushed them off. I hugged her tighter, hoping for a flashing moment maybe this would all end. End in the most simplest and painless way. I pushed the thought away immediately, but the pieces of her broken heart were piercing into mine and I couldn't hold on for long. He left without a word. He'd given up on love, he'd given up on them, he'd given up on trying to save me. As I watched h