The Deranged Thoughts Of A Girl

The words still echo in my ear. A constant reminder of my freedom. A smile that I can't seem to hide. But there was something about my eyes. I failed to recognise the usual excitement it displays. They were sad and drowning, calling for help muted. I pushed them off as my illusion, a certain imagination as to what usually happens. It was quite common, I made myself believe. And I did,but little did I know that I would fall so hard. He prayed with me,he cried. She blessed me,but broke down before completing her sentence. I didn't cry. I didn't feel anything. I was worried as to why I wasn't reacting at all. My mom and Dad were strong or should I say they were more stressed out about other factors. I felt terrified as to why I was so emotionless when most of the time I am just a human rollercoaster of emotions. I focused on many other things. No, I tried to focus. Even the skies couldn't help me this time. I was lost. I begged my inner self to just cry once,to

We stand among the lies we have build up. We look at each other. I can feel my eyes tearing up,my vision blurred. The grave of all the beautiful promises and happiness we once shared has no marks on it, no signs of past. It still appears new, like the mending scars on my heart. Only it has been way too long. You place a flower on it, stressing on the mere fact that a resurrection isn't possible. My heart breaks a little. You walk past me. The familiar smell of home, your ignorant smile, everything about you walking away tears me apart. I wanted to call out to you. But I don't. Today will be different, I hope. The yellow flowers are dancing to the wind. I lay my head down on the ground and glance at the sky. I smile. I wonder how it is capable of telling so many stories a single day when no one remembers it the next. I love how selfless you are, how beautiful you are. I finally close my eyes ,listening to the melodies I didn't give importance to before. I hear footstep

She wakes up at 4 in the morning with a trembling heart. Somewhere around her, she feels sadness. It has a lurking sensation. It is planning a pouncing attack on her. And then it hits her. She pulls up her blankets and cries into her pillow until she feels physically weak. Then she relaxes, so tired, so drained. She often wonders why does she feel so much when they felt nothing. Did they care? Did they love? Her revenge genes are damaged. Maybe that is why her heart breaks every godamn time. When the sun comes up, she gathers all her energy. She refuses to end this day without a laugh, a happy note. She engages herself in nothing and everything. And that is exactly how she feels at the end of the day : nothing and everything . I asked her to talk to me. Talk to her about something that brings euphoria, she will make it more beautiful for you. Ask her about her insecurities, she'll talk. If she explains it to you in a funny tone, she will probably cry herself to sleep tonight

When did it all start? I don't even remember correctly. It all seems so tangled. Like I am walking through a fog but I have a vivid image of what's lying in front of me. It doesn't make sense at all. But.. let's move on to what this is about. Falling in love. Wow, it brings back so many memories. I remember a very young me falling in love with someone who was in love with my best friend. The moment I realised it,I placed a stop sign in front of my heart. I always try to not complicate things but it has a weird way of catching up with me. I was a very insecure child. And I let myself believe that it will always stay that way. In fact, I was just a bundle of insecurities. A bundle of 'I am fine with everything'. Then after 4 years, I met a boy to whom I was strongly attracted to. It made everything much easier. Going to school, the breaks, going back home. I have never felt so busy in my life. I was constantly in search of finding him anywhere. A simple glimp

I am a selfish poet. The whole selfless idea leaves me confused. Sure,it does have a romantic and philosophical touch to it. Some people say when they read a poem and make it theirs,they feel connected. Like they belong. I can't deny it. When I read a poem, I start searching for myself in it. "Lost they are,happy they are too." What is the first thought that came to your mind? A group of people who are lost but they are happy too. Then we start building around those words. Lost doesn't always seem bad and happiness is all that matters and what not. "The paper boats are on a voyage, Lost they are, happy they are too." Now you are confused. But you still try. A child that is playing with paper boats. Yes, almost there. You gather your own meaning. Damn! That was good. My thoughts on writing these two lines? I wrote the second line first because it suddenly came to me when I touched the keyboard. Should make it more interesting? Maybe a touch of

I have given less thought to this post but it stays true without a change in its shade. I personally admire people who smile a lot. Smiling sounds so simple. But it isn't. Have you ever tried to force a smile? The feeling is horrible. Every muscle in your face becomes so rigid,it's almost like you did a workout. ( Okay,lame jokes aside.) Sad smiles are even worse. But being positive, it's still a smile. So moving on to what this post is really about. I met someone who lives in a house I pass by everyday when I go home. The road,in front of her house, is full of potholes and cracks and being a really aloof walker, I can't reach the other end without bleeding if I don't look down and walk. It has been 2 years. Our friendship is going strong. We never talk. We don't know each other's name or what we do or what we plan on doing. It's good. The only thing we share is a smile. At first, it started off as a 'hello!new person' smile. But then it b

Today as I stand here I am scared of myself. Scared of who I have turned to be. I feel like crying because I feel like I have changed. Not my appearance, not my ideals, not my dreams, but simply the way I think. Everything has been covered by a black veil to be protected from dust,rain, anything but it's useless. It should have been destroyed a long time back. But I didn't. A life full of regrets. It was pouring heavily. And I just let myself get drenched. I can feel myself standing on the middle of the road, drenched, shivering but smiling. A smile I am all too ready to withdraw immediately. I was alone. In this big happy world ,I was alone. In my big family, I was alone. I didn't feel heard. I was dying inside. Everyday I walk to that tiny corner of my heart that is covered in dust. I try to clean only to end up coughing. I can see the black veil here and there. But everything's hidden even though they are scarcely covered. Everyday I try to sit and confess. Ever