Monologue of an anxious heart

 

Love is a strange feeling. I have tried to write about it so many times but it never feels right. So here goes another try.

1. This isn't something you wished for but now that it's here,it feels like everything. And sometimes it doesn't. And that frightens you. Like a huge 'I told you so' from life. 

2. In a world where everything starts feeling like a trial and error experiment, you constantly doubt yourself by thinking if this is it. Should you look for more? 

3. Everyone is a replacement for everyone in life. It's the best and worst thing about love.

4. But,

1. You stroke your fingers against their skin three times back and forth and say 'This means I love you when I am too tired to speak'. 

2. You finally meet someone that lets you embrace your individuality. Something you were always afraid of because all of life had been a struggle to blend in. And now there's someone telling you 'That's you, you don't have to change'. You are slowly learning to draw boundaries, accepting people as they are but never conforming to their beliefs just to please them, to love without being scared of its possibilities, to listen to feelings that are scary but its just you, to accept yourself in the most human form, the most terrifying form.

7. You understand its possible to go out there to find another but you find yourself silently hoping that they take up all the space that's left in your heart.