The Deranged Thoughts Of A Girl

 I don't remember the last time  I wrote something in my bucket list. I heard stories about how people Found themselves in the peaceful  mountains or the bustling cities And I knew I was lost. I read how The Alchemist changed  People's lives but the world looked Different for me after reading  Sylvia Plath's The bell jar.  I was told that saving up for  The future will be worth it But on a sad day, going on A small trip with my savings Made me feel alive again. I saw people in love and wrote  It down blushing but the paper Looked tired of being erased Everytime someone leaves. I wrote new ones just to strike  Them off while the old ones Stood stiffly as contradictions. My travel lists felt so lifeless When compared to a beach  Visit with you. The books that held me together Were never there in any of my  Reading lists. When I realised I could have  Lived all the time I spent planning I suddenly craved for more time. Love wrote itself into my life so gracefully that it felt

 The world wakes up to the sound  of ambulances, slowly gaining  consciousness with silent prayers Murmured under the blankets  Hoping for a day where we can wake   Up to horoscope predictions and  Not the impending doom that awaits us. Meanwhile, I lie here reminiscing how life Used to be so simple, sweet and carefree. I wonder hasn't life become even more Simpler yet so tragic. In the comfort of our homes We are saving people but locked inside  our minds, we are slowly dying.

 The burden of humans lie deep Within their enchanting souls. The art of remembering another  With bursts of glitter and gold, Words of praise and a heart  That expresses fondness always Yet we in a lifetime could never Fully spell out why we kept feeling Like we stumbled upon a treasure When it was really just you  Walking towards me on a stormy day. We hold our memories of people So close and secured in us It never gathers the settling dust Because of how frequently it gets Visited and remembered about. The spiral of gold dust slowly dancing In the rays of sunlight that  Playfully passed through and  Hid in the comforts of the Rooms in our hearts. Each particle so magnificently  Beautiful to the eyes of the beholder Like being invited to a sorcerer's world For the world could be magic If it had miracles like you in it. We could hide them in our poems Or write novels about them, But for souls as special as yours The words always fall short  For the world to really know you.

 Love brushed past me like a wind During a hot summer afternoon Cooling the beads of sweat on my body With shivers of comfort and pleasure. It never came with grand gestures and Bouquets of flowers on a dreamy night, It stayed with my sorrows and gently Lifted them into the silent night with its touch. Love left me while I was still asleep  comfortable in the warmth it had left behind, With a forehead kiss as a goodbye note It walked away with empathy and regrets. It didn't turn words into hate or leave one  Stranded in a world of indifference, It stood comforting me while I cried And whispered helplessness for its tragic form. Love haunts me some days and I hide in places where it could never find me. But love was kind, it waits for me. Like reveling the last lines of a poem Because it made you feel something, I knew I would go looking for love again, How could a poet resist something  that brings beauty to her words.

 I have my favourite people Scattered all across my life Some are aware of their worth In my life and others unaware Yet they remain silently and Safely tucked into small spaces, a memory that doesn't grow dim Even when new ones form. I find myself running into your arms Just to remind myself that The world still has a kind face in it. You halfway around the world Told me things I was dying to hear And made me want to live life a little. I love the silent conversations  We have when my mind goes awry, How wonderful it is to be understood? We keep apologizing for never Staying in touch but my drunk photos find you first and you call me cool. Our names lie in red in each other's phones As missed calls and yet with a strict Call time in hostel, you call me first. In places new and strange, I have found gems of people Who light up my world with just A mention of their name And I call them home.

 In a life filled with wondrous opportunities I can't stop thinking about all my wants; I want someone to hold my hand delicately While we stroll through the beautiful roads. I want to have fun with my group of friends In a way that we forget tomorrow does arrive. I want someone to kiss me softly and  Whisper sweet nothings that would fade in time. I want to be there for my loved ones and tell that Their world could never end with me by their side. In a life with so much space to find ourselves I keep forgetting about my needs; I need to spend time with myself  When the outside world becomes loud I need to love being myself  On all the good days and the bad ones. I need to be able to forgive myself For the times I let myself believe the harsh words. I need to feel like I belong in my world, I need me to want me more.

 Lately, I find comfort in the stillness  that life offers, When the sun's rays fall on me, I turn my face towards it in devotion. When I feel so much love for you, I glance for just a second longer than usual. When I go on a date with the sky, I find tears softening my cheeks. When you tell me you love me, I take a moment to say it back. The world rushes by in a hurry while I move away into a world of my own, A world where my words reside in peace. The world and me, devoid of movement Has never been so beautiful. In the stillness of the sun, I find pleasure in a cold shower after. In the stillness of my eyes on you, I feel happy that I could catch myself in love. In my stillness over the sky's graceful changes, I am capable of accepting my losses. In the stillness of your love, I remember I am being loved in a way I was meant to be. And when I find myself on a starless night, I'll tell you my secrets through a poem  that you would forget to read.