The Deranged Thoughts Of A Girl

I hesitated to write about it because I had to think about the generations of family that I would be bringing disgrace on. Then I realised even the disgrace wouldn't help me to forget incidents stuck at the back of my mind telling me 'If only you knew'. At sixteen, when the classes were filled with jokes about contraceptive methods, I laughed along. The one sentence that explained sex in the biology text felt stupid, something that you could skip because it wouldn't come for the exams and for once you were right. But do we all realise the damage we are a part of?  You tell us off as a generation  That doesn't love the right way, A generation that fucks  And not one that makes love. A generation that always  Fall prey to fits of passion. But you tell us off for   The wrong reasons. We are doomed because we are still the generation  that gets sex education Weeks before tying the knot. Still the generation that  Holds the trauma of abuse  Without a soul to rely on. Sti

 Every poem feels like a daydream For a poet who mourned the  Death of her words that couldn't Be brought to life by merely  Writing it down. I fall into a haze never really Knowing how I began but as soon As I write the last word I are aware  Of my breaths and my words feel New to me. I always read my poems over and  Over to find errors but never once have I read it to understand what I  Felt when I used my words to Tell the world a story. I love my poems through the ones That read it and make it their own, Because on days when my paper stays blank I go back to them to remind me Of the days when I used to feel a thing or two.

 My world would have been  One that was devoid of hope If it weren't for all those Moments you stood strong For the both of us. It does crumble now and then When the nights stain the days With a sad darkness and the words that should never Have been used together find Their way over to me to Remind me that the universe  Was corrupted to give me hope. But I find you in the corners Telling me that even when my  World stands still you would Go around and bring your  World to mine, we find hope For each other but are selfless  To keep it within ourselves and Somedays I know that is what Saves me so I write you  Thank you notes when I cry For letting me believe that This instance of agony  Would pass as long as I  Have some hope to  Keep you close.

 Hearts all around rejoice  When monsoon comes. I find excuses to meet the rain And papa thanks the clouds For making the time stand still While he watches his little girl Swirling and laughing  Having the time of her life. Hearts all around lament When monsoon comes. Miles apart, I still try to  Make your favourite snack Whenever the skies announce their arrival, the rain embraces My yearning like it knew how Much a wet heart could hurt. The rain whispers secrets of  The inevitable changes but it still came with the bundles Of promises our past made, So that when the rains visit again, Our hearts will grow happier  and stronger.

 We were all going back home With hastened goodbyes, soft hugs, Tons of 'I miss you's, 'keep in touch's  And masks that helped hide tears. We came back to our castle of good Memories with zillions of plans to  Build them up more with warmth and love Only to gaze at the incomplete work  And say what a tragedy! We will learn to live with the despair This abrupt farewell brings us but right here Being alive in this moment, I feel like it'll Stay with me forever and more. Every corner of this place that breathed Anonymity before feels so homely That while looking through photographs  of streets that you and I walked together I am having a sad reunion with our memories.

 The way he broke into tears On the third day because life Felt empty without his lovely wife And three children to welcome him  At night even when he truly lived a life that his adventurous  heart desired by day. The way 18 year olds jump To new cities with a fierce idea Of freedom blooming in their lives Only to call their mother on  The second day just to hear  How home sounds like while  They reek of homesickness. The way people make homes In other people's hearts, making  Safe places to escape to when  Their own head becomes a cold mess Asking you the purpose of living every day When one day you would be forgotten. The way his wanderlust heart could Finally find shelter in four individuals Of his own blood when the whole World was at his disposal for migration Makes me believe that a home inside A heart could survive the longest. The way mothers are willing to  Help her little birds to fly away Even when the world could be An epitome of lurking evils is  Because of the heartfu

  All my life I have measured People's brokenness I have seen it in their tired faces Awaiting for the day to end Before the sun has risen. I have seen it in the way they smile How their eyes mourn death While their lips curl with effort. I have seen it in the way you look At me, so apologetic yet unable To show me the real you. I remember praying to go back To the time when broken was  Just a word, a poet's secret muse, a slight lining that kept art beautiful. But life tastes like poison when the  Emotions you have only felt through Look-through screens of other people  lives suddenly starts feeling you up, Letting you know it's real. With time, humans break with time, humans grow With time, we'll remain broken And with time, we'll learn to live again.