Aphrodisiac



I hesitated to write about it because I had to think about the generations of family that I would be bringing disgrace on. Then I realised even the disgrace wouldn't help me to forget incidents stuck at the back of my mind telling me 'If only you knew'. At sixteen, when the classes were filled with jokes about contraceptive methods, I laughed along. The one sentence that explained sex in the biology text felt stupid, something that you could skip because it wouldn't come for the exams and for once you were right. But do we all realise the damage we are a part of? 


You tell us off as a generation 

That doesn't love the right way,

A generation that fucks 

And not one that makes love.

A generation that always 

Fall prey to fits of passion.

But you tell us off for  

The wrong reasons.

We are doomed because

we are still the generation 

that gets sex education

Weeks before tying the knot.

Still the generation that 

Holds the trauma of abuse 

Without a soul to rely on.

Still the generation that 

Silently blames the victims.

Still a generation that won't

Hesitate to hide behind 

Our ancestor's norms.


I really wanted to write about all the wonderful ways individuals unite their body so soulfully, portraying a glimpse of your whole in a limited span of time, the world suddenly revolving around an 'us', being part of a universe where everything else seems insignificant. But instead I'll call out how I avoided the word 'sex' with a sentence that shows how it feels like. Why does it feel like high school all over again? 


I kept asking myself throughout why was angst the only emotion I felt when aphrodisiac came into picture. Maybe it was because of all the stories I have heard about people that had kneeled in front of broken trust and false love, maybe it was because I know people that cried the first time they were touched because consent was a veiled concept that could never fathom the meaning of NO. The truth is every touch, every volt of excitement that passes through a body sometimes freezes when a face closes in on them, unforgettable and spiteful. No aphrodisiac could ignite a fire that had been stomped out before it even had a chance to understand what a spark is. 


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