The Deranged Thoughts Of A Girl

  My papa likes to have someone to talk to  In the evening with a drink in his hand, My amma likes sudden trips, being surprised With food and me doing the dishes on time. My brother likes it when I listen to him talk  About his interests and dreams. My sister likes being appreciated in groups And sharing secrets in our tiny room. My grandpa likes being listened to when he sings And us welcoming him with a kiss on the cheek. My grandma likes when I recite poems, speak in a fake accent and also being called 'Cici' My friend likes it when I constantly remind her That I love her even though it gets a bit annoying. It feels astonishing to know we hold  The instruction manuals  to make someone happy Without even knowing it, That when the sun finds it difficult  To shine through on days, We appear like magicians Knowing just what to do.

 We lose pieces of ourselves  All along the way we walk, We exchange thoughts with people That are kind enough to guide us, We leave memories in photographs and  Scribblings to show that we exist, We write diaries to remind ourselves Of who we used to be on a different day, We don't hesitate to hand out the  Leftovers of our heart when someone asks, We have seen ourselves whole Yet find ourselves beautiful Lost in kisses, memories and the rain, At the end of the journey We'll carry each other's lost pieces And become an incomplete puzzle Or an unfinished song, So full of mystery and hope.

 I don't remember the last time  I wrote something in my bucket list. I heard stories about how people Found themselves in the peaceful  mountains or the bustling cities And I knew I was lost. I read how The Alchemist changed  People's lives but the world looked Different for me after reading  Sylvia Plath's The bell jar.  I was told that saving up for  The future will be worth it But on a sad day, going on A small trip with my savings Made me feel alive again. I saw people in love and wrote  It down blushing but the paper Looked tired of being erased Everytime someone leaves. I wrote new ones just to strike  Them off while the old ones Stood stiffly as contradictions. My travel lists felt so lifeless When compared to a beach  Visit with you. The books that held me together Were never there in any of my  Reading lists. When I realised I could have  Lived all the time I spent planning I suddenly craved for more time. Love wrote itself into my life so gracefully that it felt

 The world wakes up to the sound  of ambulances, slowly gaining  consciousness with silent prayers Murmured under the blankets  Hoping for a day where we can wake   Up to horoscope predictions and  Not the impending doom that awaits us. Meanwhile, I lie here reminiscing how life Used to be so simple, sweet and carefree. I wonder hasn't life become even more Simpler yet so tragic. In the comfort of our homes We are saving people but locked inside  our minds, we are slowly dying.

 The burden of humans lie deep Within their enchanting souls. The art of remembering another  With bursts of glitter and gold, Words of praise and a heart  That expresses fondness always Yet we in a lifetime could never Fully spell out why we kept feeling Like we stumbled upon a treasure When it was really just you  Walking towards me on a stormy day. We hold our memories of people So close and secured in us It never gathers the settling dust Because of how frequently it gets Visited and remembered about. The spiral of gold dust slowly dancing In the rays of sunlight that  Playfully passed through and  Hid in the comforts of the Rooms in our hearts. Each particle so magnificently  Beautiful to the eyes of the beholder Like being invited to a sorcerer's world For the world could be magic If it had miracles like you in it. We could hide them in our poems Or write novels about them, But for souls as special as yours The words always fall short  For the world to really know you.

 Love brushed past me like a wind During a hot summer afternoon Cooling the beads of sweat on my body With shivers of comfort and pleasure. It never came with grand gestures and Bouquets of flowers on a dreamy night, It stayed with my sorrows and gently Lifted them into the silent night with its touch. Love left me while I was still asleep  comfortable in the warmth it had left behind, With a forehead kiss as a goodbye note It walked away with empathy and regrets. It didn't turn words into hate or leave one  Stranded in a world of indifference, It stood comforting me while I cried And whispered helplessness for its tragic form. Love haunts me some days and I hide in places where it could never find me. But love was kind, it waits for me. Like reveling the last lines of a poem Because it made you feel something, I knew I would go looking for love again, How could a poet resist something  that brings beauty to her words.

 I have my favourite people Scattered all across my life Some are aware of their worth In my life and others unaware Yet they remain silently and Safely tucked into small spaces, a memory that doesn't grow dim Even when new ones form. I find myself running into your arms Just to remind myself that The world still has a kind face in it. You halfway around the world Told me things I was dying to hear And made me want to live life a little. I love the silent conversations  We have when my mind goes awry, How wonderful it is to be understood? We keep apologizing for never Staying in touch but my drunk photos find you first and you call me cool. Our names lie in red in each other's phones As missed calls and yet with a strict Call time in hostel, you call me first. In places new and strange, I have found gems of people Who light up my world with just A mention of their name And I call them home.