The Deranged Thoughts Of A Girl

  Some days I feel lonely and I think about bottling up  Moments that felt good. A bottle of my mother's warmth, One of my father's hugs, Another of my brother's smiles and an extra of my sister's laughs. Some days I feel sad and  I think about what awaits me When I get through the day. Grandparents that patiently waits to give me a warm welcome. Finally going on a trip with friends that We have been planning for years now. On days I feel happy I give away my hugs and smiles Like I have plenty to give, I still believe the ones I gave away Are the ones that come back To find me in discomfort. Afterall we are just beings Basking in the warmth of hope

 Red was when she was in love, Sneaking glances at other couples when he wasn't there by her side. Like a smile that crossed her lips Whenever she thought of the  Kisses he used to steal from her. Orange was when she witnessed  People healing with time The way she saw them enjoy life Again with so much gratitude Like a reassuring touch to show That the body they live in Finally feels like their own. Yellow was when you discovered Beautiful things about the people you love. Like how her favourite colour was yellow All along but you thought it was blue And now everytime you see things in yellow It feels like home. Green was when he stayed with her Even after everyone left They lay in each other's arms And breathed promises with their lips. Like watching fields of flowers swaying Listening to the stories bought by the wind While they slowly built their realm of peace. Blue was when your soul feels empty even when it was overflowing, An unrest that travels throughout  your body thr

 Humans warm my heart They could hold the whole universe  In their eyes But feel the most special When someone loves them. They could wither away slowly  With the passing of time But find the strength to hold  Onto themselves for one more time. They could be healing slowly From feelings abused But still have enough love To send over to people in need. In a world where you could  Wish for anything, You chose the little things That brightened your day. When you laugh with a friend, And empty your worries into  Their understanding hands, You whisper new forms of love Like a secret into the world. It does intrigue my heart  That in a vast world of creations The idea of someone miles away Is all you desire on a lonely night.

 I held him close when he cried And felt shivers of protest leaving his body, He was chanting with every single breathe 'I want to live! I want to live!' You and me, on days that challenge  our existence start a revolution One that would takes away our layers, Layers that gave us a reason to survive. Victorious we will arise, In a battle against ourselves, With our emotions bare and alone, And riot in the language of self-love. On a day that could heal a broken heart He called me over to break mine. He looked at me with teary eyes and the air heavy with apologies, he said 'I am sorry I don't love you anymore.' She left him with a smile Satisfied with the memories she got to keep, Like someone leaving a protest With a throat that was hurting  And a heart full of reform wishing For a day that would never come. Within us lies a hundred protests Silent ones that we fight everyday Learning to change and grow Into people that can only love. I am still yearning to live in

 How do I forgive myself For letting a part of me die? Where will I go to search  For all the love she needed? What should I say to the one  That still hopes with an aching heart? How can I tell you what I am? Someone who write eulogies For the living And heartfelt confessions to  Graves of people's pasts. I am the epitome of mindful regret, It doesn't assault me on a calm evening, Instead we go out for a cup of coffee And cry in each other's arm until I fall asleep. O darling! Keep your hopes high, I'd crawl on my knees  And ask you to live for the both of us. I grasp handfuls of dirt  To throw on my own grave. Dirt filled with the poems I never wrote, With the people I never loved, With pieces of life that declared  Its own death.

 The world should stop giving people labels. Where do you think the 'happy girl' hides her tears? She doesn't sell them off to the 'sad one down the street' When you call him 'a little dull for a boy' He finds himself trying to force a smile when he doesn't have to. The 'genius in class 9C' doesn't have to hear your concerns about what's happening when he loses some marks. Both the 'matchstick' and 'lard-arse'  Only ever asked you how your day was But why do you have an undying impulse  To give them a health check everytime you meet.   The world should stop confining them within a word. Spinning a web of the beholder's accounts Around a person walking by Only for them to get tangled in it And find it difficult to be anything else. If they find their way out to make their point clear,  You make it a mission to try and find new words. When you are told who you are, You start believing that is your identity. And one day w

 A scared young child woke up Everyday wondering who she really was She only had insecurities as answers And she kept wondering if that is all she'll ever be. She found a cradle in words It knitted itself so tightly and whispered Words of comfort she wished to hear And kept her warm through the storm. Words that turned the war cries on her tongue Into blossoming fields of forgiveness, Words that became her voice when others  Asked her to shout and then muffled her screams, Words that came as a friend that was ready  To understand her anger and her sorrow. Words that never attempted to silence who  she was even when she could barely recognise herself. With it, she fought for others, She wrote endless love letters, She breathed life into the remnants of her memories, She chanted self-worth into her life, And if the poet she is could give her a will to live She'd write throughout her life.