Ammu's POV in quarantine. (Tgost)

Art by Owen Gent


The scorching heat of the afternoon was unbearable, clothes melting into the skin, bodies becoming a salty sea, and minds wandering around frenzied. Estha, Rahel and Sophie mol looks like they are having the times of their lives, running around in the sun, playing in the boat. The sound of their laughter pierces through the walls of the old house, holding it together. Holding the image I have of my home together, a house that creaks with my past, drunk odours, the sounds of fathers slapping mothers and of sons slapping fathers. Their laughter feels like a small version of me picking up all the scattered pieces of the image with bleeding hands telling me 'one day, this will be home.'

.....
I slowly undress myself, removing each piece of clothing and savouring the restricted air touching me. I step inside. As the water slowly makes its way, touching every part of my body I remember Velutha. I rest my head against the wall and wish it was his shoulder, the one where my head fits perfectly. I twist my wet hair and align it along my breasts, touching and loving all parts of myself as he did. The tears made their way down, the water from the shower holds hands with the tears and leads them to the drain. 

......
Estha and Rahel becomes restless during the nap time, they complain about the heat. I asked them to find a better excuse and made my point clear by looking over at Sophie mol who was sleeping like a baby. I lie down next to them, stroking their hair in turns. 
Rahel turns to me and asks "Do you still love me less?", I was taken aback. It strikes you hard when people grasp the things you said, but the wrong ones.
"No, people will always love the people they love, even if they say words that hurt. Maybe a little less at the time, but then when you see them looking at you with a smile filled with apologies and love you start loving them even more. Like how Ammu loves Rahel right now", I said and starts tickling her, shushing her loud giggles with a smile when Sophie mol rustles the sheets and turn around sleepishly. I look over at Esther who was staring at the ceiling fan. I slowly caress his hands. He feels my presence and relaxes. "It's alright. It's alright. I will stay here until you sleep.", I ensure. He smiles and closes his eyes, and I couldn't stop thinking about the fright and confusion I saw in his eyes. I hug him tighter. I hope he knows I am here. Really here to save him.
.....

The night arrives as a promising lover, it creeps up on the clouds, taking away it's colour and charm, promising a veil of mystery and beauty and keeps the promise. Velutha comes to visit despite the fact that I tell him not to. But as soon as I get a glimpse of his shadow my heart races. He stands near the window and tells me he wants to hear my voice. "I keep having a terrible dream. One in which everything I love is sabotaged and I watch by as a passer-by. How I am send off to a place, forbidden of love and affection and my children forgets what I smell like, what I look like, what I love like.", I say holding back tears. "And you Velutha. They wronged you. I would never let that happen.", I start crying. "You said so yourself. It was a terrible dream. A nightmare. And that is all it will be. Now please don't cry.", He says and looks at me. I smile and he smiles back. I place my hands on the window rails, he turns around almost touching them. Almost. "When will tomorrow come?", I ask. "Now.", he answers with a sweet smile.
...

(A terrible dream. A nightmare. And that is all it will.)

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