The Deranged Thoughts Of A Girl

There are many moments in one's life that makes us realise that nothing will be the same anymore. The air you breathe, your own voice, your home, the sky, everything looks different now. It could be for better or for worse. And as a person, I keep these moments close to my heart. Be it damaging or enlightening, they always have a place. A place I visit often. The day was as boring as any day could be. Everyone moving on with their daily chores and conversations. The same faces I see everyday, I walk by everyday, only today I actually wanted to know how they were feeling today. I wanted to know whether they were happy or sad, anxious or relaxed, angry or monotonous. I wanted to know. Because I knew this day wasn't like the other days. At least for me. I could see him, cycling away, in front of me. I wondered whether he felt the same. I don't remember what happened that day. I think people lie when they say they can remember a day like they were living it today. A bl

If I ask you about your dreams, don't reveal them to me. I might steal it. Not the whole of it, but tiny parts of it. Parts you thought didn't mean much but was the very being of it. But if you ever let your guard down and ignore my warning, I would listen to you with an open heart. I would smile and laugh, sympathize and try to empathize, and maybe fall in love with your dreams. As much as I love big dreams, I have a soft spot for the small tiny ones. The tiny intimidate ones. And when I see you again, I would thank you for giving me a wonderful time. But you would never know why. I stole it from you but you would never realise it. The perfect crime. Someone once told me never write about people. People you love. People you hate. People you meet. People who just exist. It is too cruel of an act to suppress them within a bundle of words. Let the words free, let it emerge in the form of sound, let it hit the air, let it just be there. But I was scared. Words were my solace.

You didn't have to take me there but you did, Only because you wanted me to go through Everything you have experienced and lived. A selfish act of kindness. You knew it would break me so bad, Yet you smiled and held my hand. I could sense in your eyes a slight nervousness, Will you be able to save me after that fall? How could I pretend not to know ? I smiled, And somehow the grip of your hand on mine strengthened, Oh darling, please let me try, let me weep, Let me break my heart of mine once more. And when we reached, you set me free but I was hesitant, 'Go. I will stay.', you promised. I ran and I ran. When I came back, I could hear your eyes screaming sorry. 'Promise me a smile and the sea.' I pleaded. And you took me there without speaking a word, With every wave that rose, I cried. With every wave that fell, I cried. And with every breath of mine, I let the sea take the pieces of my past.

I try to find you in my eyes, What if they have lost their way And can't let go of my heart. I pray that with every tear I cry, I lose a memory of you. As beautiful as they were, They don't belong here anymore. I try to find you in every sleep I force, What if you had looked me in the eye When you said those words, Maybe they wouldn't have had a place to land, But they do, and it keeps wandering Bidding farewell to all others it meets on its way. And like a kite stuck on a tree, it prays to be freed by mere conscience. A lover's quest to prepare for another battle, With tales of pain and scars, And a slowly dying heart.

When the album named ''Too late" released, like any other fan, I too was excited to hear it. After all, there was something about the music he played. It was special because it just felt like home. And that was enough in a way.  When I played the new album for the first time, it all came rushing back. And before I knew it, I was crying. The story we, the audience, were a part of had ended. The story we witnessed and was excited for a few days had ended. The story we were curious about had finally ended. And it broke my heart. The curiosity that was burning in our minds after we left the concert only lasted a few days as there was no further news about it. And 6 months later, when the album released, the flame was rekindled but only to be stomped upon by the song's last line ' But by then, it was a little too late.' I had planned this for months. In fact, I was saving up for it. To sit in the front row to see him up close, to hear his fingers playing with

The words still echo in my ear. A constant reminder of my freedom. A smile that I can't seem to hide. But there was something about my eyes. I failed to recognise the usual excitement it displays. They were sad and drowning, calling for help muted. I pushed them off as my illusion, a certain imagination as to what usually happens. It was quite common, I made myself believe. And I did,but little did I know that I would fall so hard. He prayed with me,he cried. She blessed me,but broke down before completing her sentence. I didn't cry. I didn't feel anything. I was worried as to why I wasn't reacting at all. My mom and Dad were strong or should I say they were more stressed out about other factors. I felt terrified as to why I was so emotionless when most of the time I am just a human rollercoaster of emotions. I focused on many other things. No, I tried to focus. Even the skies couldn't help me this time. I was lost. I begged my inner self to just cry once,to

We stand among the lies we have build up. We look at each other. I can feel my eyes tearing up,my vision blurred. The grave of all the beautiful promises and happiness we once shared has no marks on it, no signs of past. It still appears new, like the mending scars on my heart. Only it has been way too long. You place a flower on it, stressing on the mere fact that a resurrection isn't possible. My heart breaks a little. You walk past me. The familiar smell of home, your ignorant smile, everything about you walking away tears me apart. I wanted to call out to you. But I don't. Today will be different, I hope. The yellow flowers are dancing to the wind. I lay my head down on the ground and glance at the sky. I smile. I wonder how it is capable of telling so many stories a single day when no one remembers it the next. I love how selfless you are, how beautiful you are. I finally close my eyes ,listening to the melodies I didn't give importance to before. I hear footstep