About a man



New people. There's something so eccentric about meeting new people. They all could have different places in your life. Some with whom you will connect so easily, some who you'll avoid after a single conversation, some that you get stuck with, and some you wished you had never met. You were somewhere in between. Could connect easily but sometimes I wished we'd never met because you put my morals, my values and myself to test. A test which I have been avoiding for long. And for good reason. 

 You sit across from me and we talk. Talk. Everything went beyond my head. Everything I heard, every song link that you sent, every single time you said I looked pretty. This man just wants to get in my pants, that is what I first thought of you. A little degrading, I know. Or maybe I don't know. You used just the right words always, ah fuck. The way you talked could give anyone an orgasm. If I met you 3 years back, I would be in love with you. But we meet now and I despise you. I hate how you tell me that I make you laugh. Liar. I hate how you said that I am one of the most attractive women you have met. A liar. I hate how you said that anyone would be lucky to have this version of me in their life. A fucking liar. I never believed a word. You might be using the exact same words with someone else. That thought relaxed me a bit. Knowing that I could be right about something. 


We sit across from each other in a bar. You order for the both of us. And then we talk. Talk. Something you are good at. 

" How can you trust anyone? People talk about finding forever in someone but when you ask them about something interesting they talk about someone gorgeous they fucked long before they met 'the love of their life'. It's so ridiculous. I hate it. ", I say. 

" What does that have to do with trust? Something being interesting and love.", he said. 

" Well, umm..I'd like to be interesting for the person I love. "

" Okay, but you do know he had a life before you. And it will always have an impact on him."

I knew there was only worry now. But I didn't know what it was towards. To the ideals and morals we set. To the life I won't get to live. To knowing that when you really wanted to understand someone finally of your own will, you fail at it continuously. 

" You will tell me you love me and that you can't ever think about losing me. Why are you lying? I can't even understand you half the time and trust me, I really want to.", I almost cry. 

" I will tell you I love you and that I can't ever think of losing you. I am not lying. You can't understand me the way other people might but they are not you."

" I don't want to be a 'you'. I lied about wanting to just be someone. I want to be everything. And I hate that. I hate what's happening to me right now."

" Why do you love me then?"

" You want something from me. Take it and leave. Don't look back."

" I want something from you and you want something from me. That is how everything works."

"I am perfectly fine with giving but don't you dare fool me to receive something. "

" Because if you receive, you will start feeling things. Love, hate, anguish, jealousy and what not."

" And what not. Love is suffering till you reach them and suffering after because you have reached each other."

" And yet we crave the suffering. Every single day we say we despise it and still we wait for it longingly on every other day. "

" Because loving you could prove me wrong and leaving you would prove me right. And some days, I desperately hope I am proven wrong for the rest of my life."

" I love you".

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