Palindrome



What's so great about palindromes? 

The idea of a word sounding the same when you write it backwards, meaning the same when most of the others don't. Why are we so intrigued by this? Does it make you believe in something bigger? Maybe it's because we are always surrounded by words that lose its value when you turn it back. Maybe it's because it does feel nice to believe that even when you reach the end nothing is ever going to change. In a world full of uncertainties, some of us have always found comfort in words and some days I feel the words need us too to live. 


A friend I made used to send me the poems he wrote. I don't know much about him but I know how he feels, how everyday makes him feel, how much he loves his close ones and how much he was hurting. He'd send me poems he wrote for his muse and I have kept them on a pedestal in my mind so that I can always remember this is how it must feel to be loved. His poems felt like a palindrome, one that could never fade away no matter how you read it. It was the same even if you read it with your heart or head. And I believed it would remain the same. Until one day it didn't.  


It breathed life. It had a face and a name. It was hard to form thoughts like 'is this what love feels like?' because all I could think about was his poems. All I could think about was 'he wasn't lying about the feelings he had, it's real'. Everytime I went back to read the poem, it felt different than the last time. I blamed myself for believing that love would always feel the same. It didn't. This time around it felt like a promise, a promise to define our own forever. I never travelled the word love without you. I stood in front of it, staring at it for a long time with you beside me. When I took so long, you held my hand and we ran. Ran past the L with a giggle, ran past the O with hasty breaths, took a small break at V and ran more till we reached E. I hesitated a little but you didn't let go of my hand and we walked. Somedays I think about what I would see if I looked back, would I see the same letters I ran past or would it sound rubbish or would I be angry at my friend for writing a poem that was so vulnerable? 


Feelings are the strongest palindromes. Nothing can ever change the feelings that we have experienced. I know this because I still look at you with love even after all these years of knowing you, I still am thankful to you for holding me close when I cry, I still smile when I realise that even if I fake laughed you'd be able to tell it away right then and there, I still remember how so many of the people in my life made me feel and I know that even when my journey ends these feelings would be the only ones that would stay the same. I realise now why palindromes are so great. There's something beautiful about change but at the same time there's something more magically beautiful about finding constants in an evolving world. There's something beautiful about realising that our love could never change, even when we are too tired to walk. There's something beautiful about remembering that you will always have words that comes alive even when the story has ended.






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