Lily's Confessions -3

Chapter - 3 
A small note.
I can't seem to remember the last time I felt like I wanted to disappear, which is a good sign. Disappear as in not an attempt for people to understand my worth, but just to erase the whole existence. When I think of it now, I feel like I was cruel to myself. 
To Lily,
I am sorry to have let you believe that you were in this alone for as long as I could remember. I know things would have been much better for you if only I'd answered those cries for help. I am glad that you stood up for yourself when they shamed you, even though you had to face consequences for the way you talked. I wished to console you but you were thinking about it too, like I was - was it true what they said? Was it really true? I cried a little when I saw you look in the mirror, never shredding a tear because you were used to it. 

I am sorry that I let you believe that you couldn't love yourself, let alone others . The thoughts we had that you would always be a passer-by in everyone's life, a well-wisher, the one that never stayed and I regret I'd let you believe that. I should have argued more, told you to stop questioning yourself but I didn't.

 The day you said you were fine just being the way you are, I wanted to hug you. I love the starless night we shared, looking into the darkness of the night, not even a star to assure to make a wish on, a moment in which you courageously decided that you'll be fine. I was so proud of you for finding hope on a hopeless night.

The day you first talked to me, I was shy. Then we started talking relentlessly. With the amount of negative things I'd say to you, it's a wonder that you survived. I was surprised when you finally slapped me across the face and said "Talk kindly to me, otherwise don't." I was even more surprised when you weren't brave enough to tell that to someone else. You stood upto me, the one who has always filled you up with doubts and messed up images. But when are you going to stand up to the people who don't treat you the way you deserve to be treated. 

It breaks my heart to see you gulping down your words when they ask you, or comment about you and you just smile at them. A weak little smile that surfaces the fact that you are beating yourself down inside the moment their words reached your ears. I whispered in your eyes about the promise you made and suddenly your eyes light up, a little dim but still glowing. 

I like how you don't go down without giving a fight now-a-days. I love how we care for each other, giving each other the exact amount of importance. I'd love to see a day where you don't laugh off the compliments you receive, a day when you'd look at yourself in the mirror and cry and cry because of how you treated yourself so badly until today. A day you'd stop believing that I never did believe in you. A day when we'd sit under a starry night and make kind wishes. 
With love,
The voice in your head.






 

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