Reins

Words I drown myself in,
Careful of any drop I spill,
I tell myself that I shouldn't feel so much,
Because the letters I write somedays
sends shivers down my spine.
Eyes all seeking, looking for signals,
To show me that I have lost control of my reins.
The doors of insecurity lay wide open,
windows I had opened to escape is an illusion
That will soon wear off.
So I close the door because enough is enough.
I overthink, I talk to myself, I think,
I make decisions that break me,
But I promise myself it's for the best,
If not, sing me a lullaby while I cry.
The days I have lived taught me to let go,
 of way too many things that
I would have been on my knees
begging if it was yesterday.
The art of accepting things just as they are
A sudden awareness of the delusions
I had held onto so voluntarily,
Even though they were burning holes in my mind.
So bear with me,
I am trying to complete myself,
I am learning to understand myself,
I am leaving things behind,
not for you to remember me by,
but for me to look back to
And realise the reins were never there.


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