Thoughts that occur

I don't know if I have mentioned it before but anyways bear with me as I narrate it once more. My mother's and father's birthday are just a few days apart and usually we, I mean me and my siblings, do a lot of things like making cards, 'planning' to order cake, 'planning' to surprise them which usually and as long as I can remember ended in disasters. Once I had an idea to wake my dad at 12am to wish him happy birthday. So we all eagerly waited for the clock to strike twelve and it took ages. And because we had such amazing patience, we decided to go in at 11:50pm assuming that we would need a lot of time to wake him up (also we were so impatient to execute the plan). Anyways we sneaked into the room and started waking up my dad. He was so fast asleep that even though our mom started shouting with irritation, he didn't even flinch at all. At last we got him to wake up which resulted in angry protests(he was still a bit asleep), and also a 5 minute and counting lecture. Our plan was such a flop but finally I started singing loudly at about 12:05am (I know the time such accurately because of how interesting the lectures was; sorry dad <3 ). The expression on his face was priceless, one that I wouldn't give up for the world. It was something of sudden realization and inability to express his emotions. I could feel his eyes softening and I choked up on the song. Before we left the room, he said thank you, devoid of all his drowsiness. When we were just outside the room, I heard him say to mom 'I am very lucky,right?' And those words rang a guilty bell in my heart. For me, it was just something that most people did for birthday but for my father, it was an act of pure love and consideration and I felt sad that my intentions weren't as beautiful and pure like his thoughts. I was very concerned about this and was so determined to somehow make up for my inconsiderate actions.(Oh god,how amazing I am at deviation!). That was the day I realized how beautiful an act of kindness is and how it can encourage people and keep them happy. Even if it is just a meaningful smile.

 Okay,are you guys still listening? I hope I am not boring you. Any act of thoughtless action we do for others to make them happy is an emotion in itself. Sometimes your actions might not even be directed to do that but it could still be a bubble of magic. You might not even know, and for me that's the beauty. In today's world kindness is constrained. We can't blame anyone for it,but ourselves. We knew the reins will tighten but still didn't change the path. I despise it a lot. I despise how our actions has become so calculated these days and the even more frightening thing we really should. An act of kindness could mean a lot of things these days. A signal of wanting it, psycho on the run, a creep you would discuss about. Okay maybe I am exaggerating but still kindness shown to a stranger is like applying for a job. Its a tension arena. First,you have to submit your resume(usually smiles,seats etc), then you have to wait for their reply- if you receive a smile back,then let your kindness flow but be careful too because I already know a creep who runs around helping others (Okay okay, I stopped.), a disgusted look,a sigh or an angry stare, please run for your life. Well,it doesn't actually destroy the beauty of kindness but still it bothers me about how much this world has changed or how much I am understanding this world. 

 I am not the kind of person that usually stays up to wish anyone first,well bless me if I don't forget my own birthday. Its not because I don't value birthdays. I mean its pretty cool to celebrate that day when you are one more year closer to your death. Okay I am gonna stop being a spoilsport. Its awesome to celebrate that day when you are one more closer to being more responsible and your life becomes full of shit. Okay, I stopped for real. The thing is, its a wonderful day. You get to spend your day with your loved ones,and the most beautiful part(if you exclude the cake) is you feel loved. And that my dear friends is a feeling that you should hold close to heart because I think its those days and memories that gives us a push when we are down and feel hatred towards life. 

 Someday's I wonder how lucky we are. We have families, we have birthdays to celebrate, we feel loved. But what about those people who are deprived of all these. When I was young,I used to pray every night when I was at my granny's house. I used to pray that my aunt would have a baby soon, that my parents should be eased of all the pains they suffer, that my siblings should be able to achieve their dreams, and that all people should be happy. I am not boasting about how innocent I am, I am boasting about how innocent I was. I always used to pray for everyone when I was young. But as I grew older, my prayers became more and more specific and it became very personal. And I am not proud of it. I mean what if God does hear everyone's prayers and he is slowly granting them,then if we all prayed for everyone's happiness, his job would be easier and everyone would be happy finally. Just irrational thoughts. Well, you know I am the queen of far-fetched things.

 I just realized suddenly what an expert I am on deviation. I am a fan of making stories when I am travelling somewhere far. Like, I'd sit in the car and think of stories (which are dumb but seem perfect at that time) and I become so enthused about it. Then I get restless to reach home and just start writing and just when I start writing- Boom! what a stupid story that was! Thank god I didn't write too much. Maybe its because I am a lazy bum or a person who isn't the least bit creative. But the one thing that I like about my stories is the characters in them and how they all have a happy ending. It makes my heart tingle. But its becomes stupid because it can't come true and that is just sad.

 Sometimes this world makes me sad. Sometimes it makes me happy. Sometimes I feel loved. Sometimes I don't. Sometimes I feel like writing everything and nothing. Sometimes I feel like my heart would explode if I didn't express myself. But in this tiny sea of sometimes, I always feel hope because of all the amazing and wonderful people out there who could make a change. I adore those guys. I admire those people that stand up for other people. I admire those people who smile at people and make their day better. I admire people who are shy but still make a tremendous effort. I admire people who keeps oiling that flame of hope in my heart. I admire you.

P.S. My posts are becoming so shabby and so out of topic but I am thankful to those people who are so ready to waste some time of their life to just glance at it. Your presence is appreciated. These are all my thoughts as I sit in front of the computer. Just thoughts that I wish to share.