The Deranged Thoughts Of A Girl

  Love is a strange feeling. I have tried to write about it so many times but it never feels right. So here goes another try. 1. This isn't something you wished for but now that it's here,it feels like everything. And sometimes it doesn't. And that frightens you. Like a huge 'I told you so' from life.  2. In a world where everything starts feeling like a trial and error experiment, you constantly doubt yourself by thinking if this is it. Should you look for more?  3. Everyone is a replacement for everyone in life. It's the best and worst thing about love. 4. But, 1. You stroke your fingers against their skin three times back and forth and say 'This means I love you when I am too tired to speak'.  2. You finally meet someone that lets you embrace your individuality. Something you were always afraid of because all of life had been a struggle to blend in. And now there's someone telling you 'That's you, you don't have to change'. You are...

1. Never become your bad thoughts.  The bumpy roads in Nepal helped me resolve my bad thoughts quickly. It was as if each plunge into the air knocked sense into me. It's always easy to have trains of thoughts following every single incident you see. Adding to your fears and traumas, adding to your doubts and trust issues but life is more than just gut feeling. Life is more than just ignoring a person because you didn't like his/her vibe, life is definitely more than what anyone can understand or explain. And the funny thing is there is always something new for you to learn, to love, to dislike and to even laugh at. Never become the thoughts that make you question who you are, if it questions you, it was never meant to be a good part of you.  2. Papa Daughter-father relationships are complex or they become so after a certain age where all your opinions never align. I have always questioned whether he was a good father or not. He gives me everything. Not a 'you can have every...

New people. There's something so eccentric about meeting new people. They all could have different places in your life. Some with whom you will connect so easily, some who you'll avoid after a single conversation, some that you get stuck with, and some you wished you had never met. You were somewhere in between. Could connect easily but sometimes I wished we'd never met because you put my morals, my values and myself to test. A test which I have been avoiding for long. And for good reason.   You sit across from me and we talk. Talk. Everything went beyond my head. Everything I heard, every song link that you sent, every single time you said I looked pretty. This man just wants to get in my pants, that is what I first thought of you. A little degrading, I know. Or maybe I don't know. You used just the right words always, ah fuck. The way you talked could give anyone an orgasm. If I met you 3 years back, I would be in love with you. But we meet now and I despise you. I ha...

 You were crying on the stairs outside your office and I almost walked past you because I was late again. But I turned back, stood in front of you and asked you if everything was fine. You quickly wiped your tears and said yes, maybe a little confused as to why a random stranger stopped and asked you that. The random stranger hopes that you find it in yourself to say 'No, I am not okay' next time someone asks you that. You will, right?  We all sit together, listening to each other, voicing out and stacking problems one on top of the other like they were so simple when it was eating our heart out for months and years, hugging each other, crying in each other's arms, you found me from across the room that day and sat next to me. 'Tired, aren't you?', we share a weak smile and you let me rest my head on your shoulder. 'Don't give up, Lynn. Cry if you want to. Don't give up on the world with your heart.', I snuggled in closer to you, watching people ...

 I can barely remember what I talked about yesterday but there is so much I still remember so vividly and on a day that does seem kind, I might be tempted to tell the world all of it. But will anyone look at me the same again? Like a person that breaks down in the middle of a crowd, or a breakup story that travels through all mutual friends or how you opened up to someone that you trusted a lot or days when you are really silent, that is all you will be remembered for, stories. People do have their own mysterious way to remember you. I want to be able to tell my story, every single bit of it, about how I love and why I cry, about the simple things I am grateful for and the people that I am glad I met, about my bad days and how my voice breaks when I try to be kind, about the people who loves me and cares for me in the most soft and caressing ways. I want to be able to tell the world how I feel. I think everyone needs to tell the world what burns inside them with so much power so th...

I have lived and breathed through my art, I have loved people in silence yet so loud with my art, I found the strength to forgive people through my art and I am learning to love myself through my art. The repressed emotions I had within myself found an outlet and I came to realise that it was normal. That it was normal to accept feelings I had been trying to hide for so long. I still wonder where I would be if I kept on believing that parts of me I disliked could never learn to love by itself. The distinction to call art good or bad feels like a limit, a limit to control the way we humans are capable of expressing ourselves. We are all in this together. Together in an effort to be understood.We all have our art. Art never has to be something that can be witnessed by others. It can be anything. It could be a feeling inside you, the crumpled paper in your room that has your words, strokes or melody, or simply your existence. It could be the way you hold someone, the way you help others t...